To each their own, addiction

I was going to go on about my obsession with free stuff from the Lancome counter at Macy's and Dillards.  How dangling a tote bag with a coordinating cosmetics bag free with a $29.99 purchase and I'll buy your $28 Art Liner (damn it, now I have to buy a lipstick or a eye shadow), what a scam.  Buy hey its free.

But then I found my new addiction, Whatever, Martha on Fine Living.  Two thirty somethings, Alexis Stewart and buddy Jennifer, sit in a cozy urban living room watching clips and talking like the camera's aren't in the room.  And nothing is off limits.  They poke fun at Martha's clothing, her mannerisms, and her guests.  Most segments turn to sexual innuendo if not straight up sex talk.  But it just girl talk.

Sometimes, the girls try their hands at some of the projects demonstrated by Martha, only with less than "Good Thing" results.  At the end of each show, things really devolve.  Alexis and Jennifer talk about things not even relevant to Martha, like dating,  food, and sex.

So, if you've got time to kill, come on over.  Just kick off your shoes and bring a bottle of wine.

Sometime a joke isn't funny

I can't eat meat  Seriously, I can't eat meat anymore.  I turned to vegetarianism a couple of years ago as a bit of a joke.  A few days  a week I'd go meatless, but when a cheese burger craving occurred or  the BBQ chicken heart attack on a bun  I would indulge.  I wasn't really concerned when the meat craving became fewer and farther between.

And then I decided to rejoin the ranks of the carnivore.  Mostly because i was tired of sounding like a picky eater, which I've always been anyway.  And, even though I hate the antibiotics and growth hormones being pumped into the industrial farmed animals, I actually liked the taste of meat.  So I figured, joke is over.  

I went back in whole hog.  Ham, egg, and cheese for breakfast, you betch ya.  Cheese burger and chili fries for lunch sounded like heaven.  Chef salad with extra meat was a dinner staple.   Mmm pork, chicken, and beef.

But then something happened.  I didn't notice it right away, it took a three or four days.  It seemed like I was extra gassy.  Not belching in public or ripping one at inopportune times.  It was more like a perfume that emanated from every pore of my body.  And, like anyone that spent anytime in the field in the service, when you can smell yourself it has to be bad.  And it's wasn't our standard rotten egg gas or the brief burst stink.

No, this became an aura of stank.  It had an initial tinge of rotten eggs, but evolved into a foul stench that followed me everywhere.  And not like crop dusting in Wal-Mart that leaves a brief trail of odor as you stroll the aisles.  No this is what being Pig Pen must be like.

So I decided I need to find a cause.  What had changed over the last month or so.  I hadn't changed beers or wines.  I was still using the same soap, shampoo, and deodorant. Oh, that's right, I'm eating meat again. 

So I stopped eating meat again.  And the force field eased.  No longer did I stink.  Thinking that the answer couldn't be that simple, I sampled a little meat.  White Castles probably wasn't the brightest choice, but I wanted something to remember.  And it was back like a Stephen King boogie man.

So, I guess I'll be parting ways with meat again for good this time.  I guess my body would adjust in time, but the unpleasantness isn't really worth it.  I survived just fine without meat before, guess that's one steak for you to enjoy.  Now, where's my salad

I just want to be tall

When I was a kid and then in high school, people were concerned about my future.  They wanted to know if I was going to college or what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Well, I didn't make it to college right after high school, I ran off with the circus.  Not really, but the Marines was close enough in the 80s.  We had tents, occasionally we liberally applied thick make-up, and we had a serious kick ass band.  No elephants or trick dogs, of course, but there were plenty of jack asses.

After a couple of years as a stay at home mom and part time college student I ventured into the employment market.  Fast food is a make or break industry.  Either you learn to flip burgers and take the bullshit or you go nuts.  Usually you do both, sometime in the same shift.  

Follow that with a brief stint in full service restauranting, inbound customer service, and finally I landed in the post office.  The amazing thing, no matter where I've worked or how much I've been paid, the characters are pretty much the same.  The petty games and jealousy always seem to pop up.  

I never wanted to work at the post office as a kid.  Hell, I don't even remember playing post office as a kid.  Really, all I wanted to be was taller.  Guess that's why they make 4" heels