October 20, 2010

I Like Big Trucks, I Can Not Lie

Over the last year and a half or so, my brother and I switch vehicles on a semi-regular basis.  I have a 2007 Toyota Corolla.  Red, of course. With power windows, power locks, cruise control, and a few other basic luxuries.  And about 37 miles to the gallon.

He has two thousand-something or other GMC Sierra.  Old Man Tan, of course. Regular cab with the long bed.  A real work truck with power steering and a radio.  And about 15 miles to the gallon.

The reason for the trade is all about gas mileage.  I drive six blocks to work, he has to go about 60 miles.  Each way.

Recently, I have discovered I really like driving the truck.  I like riding high off the road.  I like the not to smooth ride.  But I really love the looks I get when I climb in and out of the driver's seat.  The looks of jealousy from a guy in khaki's reaching into the backseat of his crossover (cough, cough station wagon, cough)  to get kids out of their car seats.  And the longing of almost forgotten freedom that comes from the passenger's seat of a minivan.  Even better, are the looks of despair and lifelessness the poor schleps forced to drive a Kia Rio or Hyundai Accent.  Life is good in the driver's seat of a pick-up truck.

And it seems like the Sport has been taken out of SUVs.  Suburbans and Jeep Cherokees use to be the vehicles of choice for hunters, ranchers, the military, and forest rangers.  Now, there seems to be a bizarre inverse ratio of vehicle size to the size of the soccer mom behind the wheel.  And the primary use of SUVs is to get groceries and chauffeur kids to practice or games.  So those days of longing for a Toyota 4 Runner or a Chevrolet Equinox are long gone.

I guess I am just getting in touch with my inner hillbilly. I've always preferred to go barefoot.  And to drink beer. Se being a hillbilly isn't much of a stretch.  Of course I will be a high maintenance type of hillbilly.  Just because I want to drive a monster truck in no way diminishes my love of pedicures, salon visits, and shoes.  And expensive make-up.  And purses.  And Guinness.  Especially Guinness.

So while, I may just break down and purchase a hillbilly mobile at some point in my life, I plan on keeping all of my teeth.  And listening to NPR.  And I don't think I'll ever be an overalls wearing girl.  (If you would have seen the pictures of me in overalls at eight months pregnant looking all Oompah Loopah-y, you would understand.)

But I do like driving big trucks.

October 17, 2010

Cleaning House, Facebook Style

Dear Recently Unfriended Person,

Please don't take it personally.   See, I don't have a fancy iPhone or Blackberry or other smart phone.  I have more of C+ or B- kind of phone.  It won't take over a small country, but it keeps me connected to the world in an adequate manner.  It works for me.  But all your crap was driving me crazy.

If I unfriended you, I have never even met you.  I am more picky about my friends now.  So hopefully I won't have to go through with this again.

Some of you were connections made while I got sucked into a couple of Zynga crack-like games.  Your assistance virtually conquering the Middle Ages, Vampires, Bakers, and Farms was invaluable at the time.  Now is not the time.  I tried hiding the posts from the games, but you figured out how to get past that.  You started posting requests as status updates. And some of you found time to go on manic video posts binges, posting links to every music video Duran Duran ever made. So, buh-bye

The same goes for all the pages I "Liked." Most make post or two a day, some less frequent than that.  Those pages I still like.  Any page that felt like they were going to change the world by posting a link to an article with the same self important blurb, is no longer clogging things up.  Yes, Boycott BP, I'm talking about you.  And the Beer Party,  I love your name.  I applaud your dedication, but enough is enough with the half assed MS Paint edited pictures.  If you're going to display your cleverness with pictures, splurge for Photoshop.

So please, don't feel hurt or slighted when you realize your friend or fan count has dropped. Unless you're one of those friend whores.  Then get a life.  A real one.  Where you go outside.  And talk to real people.

It'll be O.K., you're not really a vampire.  I promise the sunshine won't hurt you.  Would an unfriend lie to you?