Seriously, if you're going to invade my sphere of power, a breath mint won't kill you. I promise the minty freshness of Double Mint or a Mentos won't hurt. Shit, pop in a cough drop, but coffee breath is a reprieve form that odor coming out of your pie hole. It might kill that garlic hang over you're having or smother the day after stale beer sweats, but actual harm will not befall you. If you need a clue about when a breath mint is in order, if someone is talking to you yet is trying to lean as far away from you as possible, grab some Big Red.
And is a shower too much trouble? You know water falling from the sky and a little soap? No, half a bottle of Axe or Lady Stetson will not mask the scent. Now we have a lovely mixture body odor, cheap perfume, and cigarette smoke. I can hold my breath for about 37 seconds, I hope I can be done with you quickly.
Of course there really aren't any stupid questions, but there are some very curious morons out there. If you ever ask me a question and my response is stunned silence, I am not dazzled by your brilliance, but more baffled by your stupidity. And the more big words you use, the worse it gets. Just remember, silence is golden.
The majority of customers I encounter are unremarkable, which is good. But every so often, there are a few that stand out. Usually because I can't drink enough to forget them. So if I don't remember you the next time you come in, it's a good thing
January 21, 2011
January 5, 2011
New Beginning
Ahh, a new year. A new beginning.
We ruminate on the year that all to swiftly passed us by. We dream of the untapped potential of the year ahead of us. We turn our thoughts inward to identify some failing and faults. We don the rose colored glasses as we face the future. And, we shiver in our knickers.
And, considering that this is the fifth all ready, one thing that hasn't changed is my ability to procrastinate. I was on a mini vacation and decided that isn't really the time to enact a series of changes.
The changes I want to make include saving more money and losing weight. So, if I stop eating, or at least paying for food, this challenge should be a snap.
And, I want to be a more giving person. So, when I feel the the need, I will give someone a slap across the forehead. Or a piece of my mind. Or my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, going back to the wanting to lose weight.
Eating healthier is on the agenda for 2011. Which means rededicating myself to vegetarianism. I know for the last few months chicken, ham, and a few cheese burgers wormed their way back on my plate. But I didn't feel healthier. I think I was just to busy to care what I ate. And, since there is no meat in beer, I won't starve.
Drinking healthier goes hand in hand with the eating thing. And no, that doesn't mean I'm laying off the beer or wine. I am going to drink more water. And more juice. And little to no soda pop. I might even switch to light beer. And, since I'm not stopping at the gas station every morning for a monster Diet Coke, I won't be picking up a cream filled long john, two energy drinks (I get two, because they are priced better that way), and some lottery tickets.
And I will try to be nicer. At least on the surface. I will refrain from eye rolling. Overt sarcasm will have to remain in check. What the voices inside my head say is no body's business but ours.
Any other changes I need to make this year?
We ruminate on the year that all to swiftly passed us by. We dream of the untapped potential of the year ahead of us. We turn our thoughts inward to identify some failing and faults. We don the rose colored glasses as we face the future. And, we shiver in our knickers.
And, considering that this is the fifth all ready, one thing that hasn't changed is my ability to procrastinate. I was on a mini vacation and decided that isn't really the time to enact a series of changes.
The changes I want to make include saving more money and losing weight. So, if I stop eating, or at least paying for food, this challenge should be a snap.
And, I want to be a more giving person. So, when I feel the the need, I will give someone a slap across the forehead. Or a piece of my mind. Or my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, going back to the wanting to lose weight.
Eating healthier is on the agenda for 2011. Which means rededicating myself to vegetarianism. I know for the last few months chicken, ham, and a few cheese burgers wormed their way back on my plate. But I didn't feel healthier. I think I was just to busy to care what I ate. And, since there is no meat in beer, I won't starve.
Drinking healthier goes hand in hand with the eating thing. And no, that doesn't mean I'm laying off the beer or wine. I am going to drink more water. And more juice. And little to no soda pop. I might even switch to light beer. And, since I'm not stopping at the gas station every morning for a monster Diet Coke, I won't be picking up a cream filled long john, two energy drinks (I get two, because they are priced better that way), and some lottery tickets.
And I will try to be nicer. At least on the surface. I will refrain from eye rolling. Overt sarcasm will have to remain in check. What the voices inside my head say is no body's business but ours.
Any other changes I need to make this year?
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