This is my Team, The Wiley Coyotes
Fat Girl on the Right, Me, and Laura preparing to stomp. And rocking the
retro Italian peasant garb.
Since I was on my game in July, we were one of the
first teams to sign up. Since Twin Oaks used the frist
come first stomp ordering system, we were stomping
in the first heat.
Each heat consisted of five teams stomping the juice out of a
barrel of grapes. I went first since well we started drinking and I
shoved my way to the front of the line.
Me, in a little number I whipped up at the last minute, because I'm crafty
and shit. And Fat Girl on the Right as Fat Ass in the Air
The process is fairly simple, each team member stomps the grapes for
two minutes each. After the six minutes, the juice is weighed to
determine the winner of the heat. The winner of each heat advances
to a grand stomp off.
So, the whistle sounds and the stomping begins. I jump in with
both feet. I go for style points by doing a circle stomp. And then
a high step stomp. There was a side to side stomp and a heavy
on the heels stomp. What another minute? OK, now I'm pretty
much running in place and damning my lack of physical stamina.
Finally, the whistle blows and we switch.
This time, it's my ass in the air.
And now Fat Girl on the Right jumps in. She's looking all
spiffy in a little peasant skirt tied up between her legs and
re-purposed muumuu. Laura and I are picking degraped
sticks out of the barrel and checking the flow. Apparently
the holes drilled in the bottom of the barrel get a little clogged
with the naked bunches and grape skins. And, since the
purpose is to separate as much juice from the grapes and get
that juice into the bucket, keeping the holes clear is vital.
See, it's a muumuu. Serious, a nonfatty wearing a
fucking muumuu in public. And she thinks I dress poorly.
And switch. By the time Laura gets her feet in the barrel, there's
more skin and twigs than juicy grapes. Now, the key is to move the
slop in the barrel around so that any juice in the barrel or the few
grapes left get into the bucket. She slips, slides, and sloshes about.
And done.
Laura, spoting the modified John Deere farm wife look that
is gaining popularity with the cool kids.
So, the officiants pull the "juice" from under the barrels.
There was liquid in the buckets, but I wouldn't call it juice.
Imagine a black lumpy soup served up to Andrew Zimmer.
Yeah, it was that nasty.
We didn't make it to the stomp off, but we did have fun. And
we learned a few valuable lessons for next year.
1. Let the heaviest person go first, that's when the holes are clear
and the grapes are the juiciest.
2. If enough people from work show up to form a second or third
team, shame them into playing next year.
3. Stomping grapes for two minutes is hard work. Must work out
before I have a heart attack. Or drink more red wine.
4. Becareful about letting drunk people take action shots
5. If you want to win the Lucy Look A Like contest, dress in drag.
6. Next year, we're going with the Lucy get a designer dress look,
because burlap sacks have to look better than this
Me, later that night rocking out with Heart and Chrsity and Lisa and Kathy. We don't take too many pictures, we
don't want too much evidence.
No comments:
Post a Comment